What is a difficult person? A difficult person can be described as someone who lacks the ability to understand another person's emotional state. They are often unable to 'play nice' or put themselves in the other persons shoes, in order to understand their perspective. They also often do and say things that are inappropriate or cause durress.
We all have people in our lives we just don't jive with, people that just don't seem to get us, no matter what we do. Maybe they are verbal about their assessment of our weirdness, or maybe they avoid us completely, or are down right mean. Usually this isn't someone, given a choice, you would continue to have in your life. Given a choice, you would part ways and either end the 'friendship' or ask to be reassigned at work or have your desk moved.
But what about the people you can't erase from your life? what if its a parent, sibling, or partners ex wife.
I'm quite open with you, my hearts, about my life and all that entails. Pulling from my personal experience, helps me help you, find the clarity you desire and the answers you seek to your own life drama. Its important to me that you know I am always authentic and honest with you about the hurts and joys that ebb and flow in and out of my life. That being said, I want to share a VERY hard last few months with you. Its been hard on me, my career, my family, and it is so very heavy at this moment, that I know I must write. I must share with you this heartache and what I'm learning from it. I must do this because there are THOUSANDS of women in my same position and MILLIONS of children affected by it.
I have taken 2 oaths in my life. One, was to myself and my highest power to dig deep, and find the source of strength and oneness within myself to manifest my deepest purpose and assist in the healing and fullness of all clients and people I meet. The other was the oath I took on my wedding day; to love and support the man I love more than I've ever loved anyone, and the 4 beautiful children he came with. These oaths I hold sacred and have been tested greatly these last few months.
I have lost hope, faith, joy, peace and connection at times. I have been in the pits of my despair begging for a light and a way out. I have read books, meditated, gone for walks, hiked, traveled alone, etc. all in an effort to avoid the feelings that nearly always met me upon my return because of just how foreign they feel. The one feeling I always return to is; ITS NOT ME.
its not me. Why would someone chose to be so vengeful and vindictive?
I've just never really had to tolerate difficult people before. So, this is a completely foreign feeling for me.
I've been able to flow nearly every aspect of my life since my sudden awakening into free awareness. If something or someone didn't feel good to me; I moved on. I didn't take that job, or I didn't entertain that 'friend', etc. I literally just turned away from it and moved on. And now, I can't do that.
No, I married into a divorce with 4 children. Me and the children are caught in between 2 people that thought a divorce was a way out of their problems. They attempted to do what I always did; move on. Except, when children are involved, there is no moving on, just 2 whole closets full of unprocessed hurt, betrayal and anger that get opened up often.
But what happens when one of the parents loves to open this closet and use its contents to hurt their children and their ex? That's pretty much where my life is at, my hearts. My husbands ex wife has attempted to become the difficult and constant nuisance in our lives. The sad thing is, it doesn't hurt my husband and myself as much as it hurts her own children. I know we aren't special, or rare, or different than any other family inside a family court mediation room, court room, attorneys office and so on. Its so common that the court has a name for it; malicious mother syndrome.
Without hashing out the specifics of our story, I wanted to share the little bit I did because I know there are so many other women in my position. So many other women that just want to do what's right, help to raise happy, healthy, and independent stepchildren or children of their own, and have someone in their lives that is intentionally making that task, harder.
Please don't become the vindictiveness you are receiving. Please don't feel that there is no way out. Please do not blow up at your spouse for the actions of their ex. Please do not think you are the reason this is happening. Please know that your light is the only thing the children need, and is the reason you are finding yourself in this situation. Please know that your tears are necessary for your wellbeing. Please know that it is ok to be mad, sad, frustrated, lost, lonely, hurt, afraid of the future. It is ok. It is normal to feel this way.
You are not alone.
Darkness is strictly the absence of light. Darkness is in all of us, and all of us attempt to lock it out and throw away the key. All of us would like only love and light to exist, yet it doesn't. Its just the only thing that can reveal what darkness is; the temporary removal of light. Without your light on, the darkness has more space to do what it does; fog your clarity, confuse your knowing, alienate your source connection, and bury you in a pit of despair.
It is vital that you shine brighter in the midst of impending darkness. It is vital that you maintain the strength that you are. You and your light is what is saving your relationship, the relationship your partner has with his kids and ultimately his ex. They broke something they can't fix. The children are not broken and have the right to be raised in a safe and conscious environment. Even if you are the only conscious person in their lives.
I pray every night for my entire family. This includes my husbands ex-wife, new husband, and extended family that have done nothing but bash my husband and try and alienate him from his children. I do this because I REFUSE to let the actions of others dictate who I am. I am a good person, in service for the good of humanity, and that definitely includes the difficult ones. Be the light, share your light, never let anyone or anything smother your light, the children are counting on you.
"Be the change which you want to see in the world"-Ghandi
"Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men." -Martin Luther King, Jr.